Bryan Alvarez
Reverend Bryan Dickson Alvarez (born June 12, 1975 in Bothell, Washington) (also known as 'The Mexicunt', or 'Mexican't') is a millionaire half-breed professional wrestler and the editor of Figure Four Weekly, a "newsletter" that has covered professional wrestling and Mixed Martial Arts (but they're the same thing besides the miniscule detail that one is fake) since 1995. Alvarez credits his pro wrestling training to Buddy Wayne, and is accused of training Ring of Honor (ROH) spot monkey Jack Evans. In June 2005, Alvarez launched Figure Four Weekly Online . F4W is a subscription website run primarily by himself, his brother-in-law Tony Leder, and fellow former professional wrestler, Vince Verhei. Two or three or four or five times a week (depending on how much stuff there is), Alvarez and Verhei produce their own Internet talk show, The Bryan and Vinny Show, where the couple review professional wrestling and mixed martial arts (MMA) programming, in an observational comedic style similar to that found in the newsletter. The Monday night edition of The Bryan and Vinny Show is free for anyone to download, while other editions done during the week are available only to subscribers of the web site. Yells, "I'm in charge!" at the mirror every morning. Berates children under the guise of teaching them gymnastics (he also really just needs the insurance coverage). Alvarez also hosts Figure Four Daily, a talk show where he interviews guests related to professional wrestling or MMA. Figure Four Daily airs new episodes every Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Occasionally, if there is breaking news, a new Figure Four Daily episode may air on Monday or Tuesday. Selected episodes are free, while the others are available only to subscribers. Other features found on Figure Four Online include access to a growing archive of past Figure Four Weekly newsletters, and THE BOARD~!, a philanthropic project for Alvarez where he babysits Western European youngsters. Bryan is infamous for taking The Board way too seriously.... It's quite pathetic, actually. Notably not found on Figure Four Online -- contrary to Alvarez's advertising -- are online copies of Meltzer's Wrestling Observer Newsletter. The long-running false advertising ceased after twan exposed Alvarez's ruse. Alvarez's book Death of WCW, which he co-wrote with R.D. Reynolds, was released in 2005. Alvarez is an avid Civil War reenactor. Alvarez serves as the co-host of the Wrestling Observer Live radio program parody with Dave Meltzer, which airs on the Sports Byline Radio Network and Sirius Satellite Radio on Sunday nights at 8:00 p.m. Eastern time. Alvarez currently resides in a wrestling bubble where DCW is the greatest wrestling promotion ever. He is a columnist for British wrestling and MMA magazine Fighting Spirit, as well as an online correspondent for The Fight Network. He owned a rabbit named Bally. Return to the Ring A fund raiser was recently held in which Bryan stated that if it reached $400, he would do one more match with friend and former professional wrestler Vince Verhei. He also stated that anyone who donated at least $25 would get a special DVD. The amount was surpassed and in fact went over $3000, with donation amounts ranging from one cent to $250, and the scheduled match was posted on Youtube on September 17, 2006. Several promotional videos were released on Youtube to promote the match: * Buddy Wayne trains Bryan and Vinny released on August 18, 2006. * All Access: Bryan Alvarez, a look into Bryan's training regimen, released on August 24, 2006. * All Access: Vince Verhei, a companion piece on Vince, released on August 28, 2006. * Buddy Wayne trains Bryan and Vinny II released on September 1, 2006. * Bryan vs. Vinny: Contract Signing released on September 8, 2006. * Bryan vs. Vinny: Weigh-In released on September 15, 2006. The matches on the card are: * Undercard match: Aaron the ring crew guy vs. The Apostle Paul * Main event match: The Battel of the Empire~! These videos, along with outtakes and commentary, are available on DVD. The DVD was released on December 8, 2006 http://www.f4wonline.com/content/view/2716/1/. Feud With "Sweet & Sour" Larry Sweeney On March 17, 2007, Alvarez batteld Larry Sweeney to a No-Contest for Sweeney's ICW-ICWA Tex-Arkana Television Championship, as Sweeney's Tex-Arkana referee determined Sweeney the winner even though Bryan pinned Sweeney. Alvarez agreed to a challenge made on his internet radio show once Sweeney agreed to pay $7,500 to Alvarez. The title match was part of the inaugural Fight Sports Midwest card in Portage, Indiana. Sweeney and Alvarez's promos are available on YouTube. Sweeney and Alvarez's match is available on Smart Mark Video...K5! (and PWT. Sssssshh) Alvarez recently announced that a rematch with Larry Sweeney will take place on November 18, 2007 in The ECW Arena. This will finally prove how fucking hardcore this Mexicunt is. Alvarez has claimed that after beating Sweeney for his Tex-Arkana Television Championship, he will rename it as the Frank A. Gotch Memorial Collar & Elbow Pacific Coast Championship. Nancy Grace Alvarez was recently HUMBLED by Fit Finlay on Nancy Grace on CNN. The Nancy Grace Show has also featured The Woman With The Mouth and the babbling idiot. Rap Career Before extolling the virtues of Ric Flair and Derby City Wrestling on weekly podcasts Alvarez had a rap career as MC Super Chico, working with such Seattle notables as Kid Sensation and Sir Mix-A-Lot. * Bryan raps about his financial prowess * Another fine example of Alvarez rapping Hilarious Moments On August 31st, 2007, Bryan made the following post on the board, which was hilarious: "I am ready to either stop doing Dave shows, lay down the ban hammer, or stop coming on the Board entirely. I have had to work around Dave's schedule every other week for over two straight years now, and for fuck's sake that's not easy, especially on weeks like this. It's not his fault. It's the way life is. I LONG AGO came to accept it. The fact that Dave has now done approximately 110 shows makes it bafflingly preposterous that I STILL GET COMPLAINTS, EVERY WEEK, WHETHER IT IS ON TIME OR NOT. I shouldn't have to explain in-depth every time what this week's issue is. It seems to me, and maybe I'm wrong, that everyone here is smart enough to realize, after 110 weeks, THAT SOMETHING HAPPENS NEARLY EVERY WEEK. Yet every week, whatever the issue is, IT IS BRAND NEW, AND REASON FOR PANIC OR ANGER. I seriously have no idea why I deal with it sometimes. I hate this more than almost anything else associated with this site, and that upsets me greatly because I love doing Dave shows, and yet week after week I have to deal with bullshit because of them." Meanwhile. Dave Meltzer sits at home reading this and shaking his head in pity. Bryanisms "We are back on Figure Four Daily and we are joined by....." "So check....THAT out~!" "Here's a question for you." "This person wants to know..." "Your thoughts in general?" "It's as simple as two men who want to FIIGHTEEH" "No buys!!!" "http://www.angrymarks.com/music/figurefour/bryan-Suck%20My%20Dick.mp3 WWE Dotcom can suck my dick!!" "Blow me" towards Vinny "Suck me" towards Vinny "...Unfathomable!" " HUMBLED!" "This match occurred." "... and that sort of thing." "... and things of that nature." "That was quite the deal, there." "...this, that, and the other thing." "Oh yes!" (also a Vinnyism) "Pretty good match, nothing spectacular or anything like that" "You may get to put your mouth by the BIG ONE" "I'm doing preeeetty good" "Question?" "DUDE. LISTEN. I HAVE A THEORY. ON DRINKING" "The best thing I've seen all time. All my life" "Sure.." "Seriously now." "Say no to Drugs!!!" "He/She then proceeded to..." "I'M IN CHARGE!" External links *Figure Four Weekly Online *Sports Byline USA *Official Figure 4 Weekly My Space Category:1975 births Category:Living People Category:American journalists Category:American professional wrestlers Category:Washington athletes Category:Washington writers Category:Puerto Rican capoeira practitioners Category:Professional wrestling journalists and columnists Category:Wrestling Observer Category:Half-breeds Category:Bottoms Category:WCW Category:YouTube Shooters Category:Worse than Michael Jackson Category:Pages soon to be vandalized Category:Vince Russo haters Category:People who can dance all night long Category:People who know what Bryan's cum tastes like Category:People Who are Actually Worse Than Josh Matthews